Found Friendship

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“I was in my pediatrician’s office for the first time… I had called about getting my son in to see her because he wasn’t feeling well.  I had talked to the nurse help line several times with each nurse reassuring me that his cold symptoms weren’t that bad… and I knew that.  But I pushed and I pushed until I had an appointment made for my son’s “no-big-deal” cold.  It wasn’t really about the cold.  I had to meet her.  I had to tell her.

She checked out Clay and said he was fine.  I nodded. She noticed my baby bump and asked me some questions about the baby.  I looked at her with big, round eyes and said… “She is going to be born with achondroplasia…dwarfism.” She turned her head to the side and frowned and said she was sorry.  She then said, “You know, I have another patient a little older than your baby born with dwarfism to average-height parents.  Perhaps you could talk to her mom.”

You have to understand… the odds to having a child born with dwarfism as an average-height person is 25,000-40,000 to 1.  I couldn’t believe my ears.  “Yes, please…” I muttered.  Someone like me? Someone like us? Someone has been through this before?  In my town?

A few days later that mama called me. And we talked and talked and talked.  I felt as though that was one of my first real deep breaths I had experienced since the news of the diagnosis.  I felt so much relief in knowing that her daughter was doing really well.  That they were happy…and in love.  Of course they were in love…but I needed to hear it.

And then she said something that I will always remember… “When I heard about you… I had a tear in my eye knowing your pain, and yet I was so excited to have you too.”

Our stories about how we found out and when, what we were told and the initial diagnosis were so different. But that bond…we had that bond.  We had each other.

A few weeks later, we got to meet Chad & Melissa Rollins and Baby Finley.  She was seven months old.  I do remember noticing that her arms and legs were shorter than average and her head a little larger, but the wonderful thing was… it never crossed my mind again.  It didn’t matter.  Her huge brown eyes, her golden hair, her shy smile, her quiet demeanor and the way she playfully rolled back and forth as if she’d been doing it forever… it all just made me giddy and so absolutely thrilled to meet our daughter.  I remember thinking, “This? I am afraid of this?!?” The thought is laughable…I was so in love with Finley.  Right then and there, I knew size would never define the depths of my love…ever.

That was two years ago.  I still have Melissa in my phone as “Melissa Rowlans” (because I had no idea to spell it at the time) and yet each time I see it, I am reminded how we were strangers for just a split second.  Now, I consider her one of my rocks.  The fact that our girls will have each other and get to grow up together is something we do not take for granted.  I strongly believe that there is so much comfort in having someone that can truly relate to what you are going through.  I have that in Melissa and I am thrilled Lilah can have that in Finley.

Melissa and I are lucky to have found not only each other, but many other women across the world that are average-height mamas to a child born with dwarfism.  It’s our own little support group where we can be real, lift each other up, ask questions and my favorite…be involved with each others’ lives on a daily basis.

The thing is, not only do we have as mamas to a child born with dwarfism, we have the challenge of spreading awareness.  Our society has a long way to go in regards to equal treatment of those born with a disability.  And this disability in particular has its own set of stereotypes and generalizations based on a long history of mistreatment.  In today’s society, we are still battling these perceptions in all forms of media.  We would love for our children to one day live in a world where they are not judged by their size.  And we will work at getting that done.

So what can you do?

A couple of things…when you hear ‘hate speech’ of any kind, stand up against it.  This includes any derogatory, condescending or other unnecessary words or phrases based on stereotyping.  In our world, the word ‘midget’ is considered highly offensive.  If you hear this word being used, explain that it is considered derogatory.  Educate.  Educate yourself and others on differences and then become a teacher.  Teach those around you, teach your children and their children that different is beautiful.

That is you making a difference and making this world better for all of our children.  Thank you.”

Blog post written by Leslie Spencer (Mother to Lilah)

Photos captured by Fotocrew Member: Gina Sandrzyk

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